In all of my time alive and dead, I did not expect things to go as well for me as they appear to be going at this current point in time. I am more used to things simply, well....to put it in a terribly churlish light, "blowing up" in my face. I am used to things going terribly, only for me to glean some sort of lesson from them or another. I suppose I am so used to forging myself in a crucible of fire that perhaps I cannot see myself as a finished product.

Oddly enough, it is not the power I care for, nor the prestige. I am being placed in the crux of something that I can turn wonderful. If the negotiations I am holding with those in power work out, a beautiful, lasting thing will be made that will by dint of its very existence affect the lives of every child -and in a smaller way- adult on this island.

Not only that, but it will not simply be myself benefiting from the goodwill it will generate. So will my apprentice, if all goes well. Though I refuse to admit this and make crumble the facade I wish for 90% of the world to see, I was more than overjoyed when I said I intended to teach everything I know that he might be a partner and independent instead of an employee forever only to find he wished for this as well.

And you know, that was the first time since those horrible days and nights that blended together in a blur of pain and drugs that I have allowed a man to touch me without fearing that very man would attempt to twist my body to his will. That frightened me slightly, but it also offered me no small modicum of joy. That is the one problem I developed from the war that I have -never- been able to escape....and now here I have been given that chance, and it appears to be with him.

It would appear that Karma is smiling upon me, but I will not allow myself to grow lazy and listless. I have earned every single thing, every single real friendship, every single bit of respect people show me. It will be no different in this. I will work for it as hard as I can, and if it falls apart? I will regret nothing. Time with someone that I can allow myself close to without having flashbacks of pain and terror, fleeting though it may be, is still a precious and beautiful thing that I will carry with me until I die again.

Sini, I owe you for making obvious what I was not seeing. And as for you, my apprentice, I intend to make good on everything I have said. I have not told you this, but I do not make promises lightly.
Mood: nervous
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