Boiko: Of Blood and Wine
Jul 18th, 2010 9:10 pm

I love a mortal child. Is love the correct term? The word. It has many meanings. Perverse or twisted, I cannot tell what it is that I love. My love for him. This is love right? It's not in my head. He loves me, right? Right?

Are there different types of love? Is there an ultimate love? Can I say that I love her and her? A mother and a friend. I can love them. Right? Right?

And the mortal child. I can love that. That's love. Right? I would disembowel the first wicked creature that touched her with cruel intention but I have killed mothers and children of parents. I wonder if they fill similar hatred and pain. Is that love? Is that what love feels like?

And him. It is different with him. A man is not supposed to love another man. A kindred should not fall so high for another kindred. We have no need for such trivial things. A clan should not fall for a creature of another clan. It is dangerous. But beyond all odds, I would give my life for the emotional womanlike fool of a Rose. I would burn in hell ten times over to see his smiling face go unharmed. I would do anything for him. Anything. Everything. Anything. The most uncomfortable feeling to see him cry. I would dispose of everyone for him. But that is perverse. And he would not want this. Right? Is my love too extreme? Is it too much? What does this classify as? An ultimate? Or are they all on some similar level just serving as types such as genres of food. If I had known food perhaps I could compare. But I do not.

I am confused. But I'm happy with the darkness and everything else moving closer. And closer. I have felt nothing for so long. Nothing except reaction and intention. And now. Now. I have never been so happy.